In a few days, you will empty your bedroom of the things you like and you will move into a college room, filling it with some of the things from your old room, but we both know this move is more than just moving from one room into another room. You will walk out the door, and, when you come back at Christmas, your old room will be just that–your old room, a place of memories, a place to visit, but not the place where you live anymore. Knowing that brings me more than a little heartache, but I also know all nests are temporary.
I can’t help but remember when your Mom and I brought you home from the hospital and put you into the baby room that we had painted and decorated and filled for you, a room that suddenly came to life when we put you in your baby bed. I stood there for hours, just looking at you. You’ll never know the joy and the fear and the hope you brought into that room with you.
As I looked at you in your bed, such a perfect and peaceful and precious baby, I finally understood who I was supposed to be, all my other ideas of who I was now going out the window as you smiled at me and made all those baby sounds that I wish I could hear one more time. In that moment, I knew I was meant to be your daddy, and my life forever after would not be my life, but would be my life with you.
Something was born in me when you were born–an almost animalistic need to protect you, my little girl–and that feeling has never gone away. I felt it when you walked into your pre-K classroom, smiled and waved goodbye. I felt it when you sat in the driver’s seat of the car for the first time, hands clutching the steering wheel, a smile on your face. It was there on prom night when you walked out the door with your boyfriend, giving me a hug and a smile as the front door closed behind you, so beautiful it made tears come to my eyes.
In a few days, you’ll move many miles away, daddy’s baby girl now all grown up, and all I can think about is how I won’t be able to protect you anymore, not in the same way, like when I held you in my arms when the thunder scared you, or like when I stayed up late to make sure you made it home alright, or like when I promised you everything would be alright in the doctor’s office. Now you will have to protect yourself, while I can only protect you with prayers, uttered in the dark of the night, no longer able to walk down the hall to see that you are okay, not able to hear your cry that wakes me up, not able to see your face across the breakfast table, reading your every fear in your blue eyes, without even a word spoken by you.
I have some peace of mind in knowing you will make new friends because friends come easily to you. I also know your friends now will become the first voice you listen to, not mine. I will have to trust you to choose your friends carefully. They will influence you more than you know, even more than your mom and I have influenced you. It is true that who you become in the next four years will depend, in large part, on who you choose to be your friends. Please remember that little bit of wisdom from your dad. I will miss all the late night talks we had, knowing you will now have them with friends in your college dorm, our living room suddenly very quiet.
They say a girl picks someone who is like her dad to be her boyfriend and as her future husband. The husband talk can wait. I’d like to think there is some truth to the thought because then I know you will be with someone who loves you with his last breath, who wants to protect you from all the bad in the world, and who always treats you like a gift he didn’t deserve. I will sleep better at night if I know the man you choose to be with sees you as I see you. So maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you ask yourself if the young men you choose to spend your time with remind you in any way of me.
Please be patient with yourself during these college years. You won’t always know the answer and you won’t always know the way. No one gets it right all the time. Not even your dad. When you fell off your bicycle, I taught you to get up and try again. Think of life as a bicycle ride where all of us fall down from time to time. But it is the best and the bravest who get back up. Also, be the first to help somebody who has fallen. They will be the first to be there to pick you up when you fall.
Over the years, you’ve never kept any secrets from me, always ready to share and to tell, sometimes too much. I know the day is now here when you will not tell your daddy everything, when you will tell your friends things that you will not tell me, when you choose what you want me to know and what you don’t want me to know. I give you permission to keep your secrets from me because it is the path to becoming your own person. But I also want you to know I will always be here to listen when you want to tell me something important, and I will promise to listen without judging, without anger, without insulting you by thinking I have all the answers.
As you know, your mom and I are sending you to college for an education. So be studious. Be attentive to your professors. Give priority to learning. But we also know that an education comes from a lot of places. More likely than not, it will be when you’re not in your seat in the classroom that you will learn the lessons of who to trust, who to like, and who to love. These can only be taught in the classroom of life. Yes, they will bring you the greatest griefs, but they also will bring you some of your greatest joys. Life does not come in one flavor. Learn to taste all the flavors, even the bitter ones, for then you will have lived life to the full.
College is supposed to be the place where you challenge yourself to consider a new way, to see others in a new way, and to think outside the box. We live in a world where we no longer want to hear an opinion that is different from our own, or to learn a language that is other than our own, or to befriend somebody who votes for the other party. Somewhere along the way we have become a country of cardboard boxes with dividers. Listen to dad–remove the dividers from the box. Read a book you don’t like. Listen to a speech you don’t agree with. Go to a rally for the opposite political party. We were never meant to stay within a small square. People who stay confined in such a small space can’t grow, can’t breathe, and can’t think for themselves.
Your mom and I were fortunate enough to provide you with a home where there was a roof overhead, food on the table, and clothes for you to wear. Because these were always there, it may have looked to you that it was the normal thing. Remember many others do not begin college on the same starting line as you do. Don’t overlook the ones who didn’t have as much, or who weren’t loved as much, or who never had Santa come on Christmas. Your kindness to those without these things will say more about you than your kindness to those who never went without anything.
You have always had a kind heart. I’d like to think we had something to do with it, but I also know you came to us with many of your finest qualities already placed inside you, no assembly required. Stay kind. See it as it is–a gift from your Maker. While others may tell you it is a weakness, never doubt for a moment that it is a great strength. Only the kind are truly strong. The unkind are the weak ones, afraid to be hurt, looking out only themselves, and wanting to pull everyone back into the jungle.
I’m not going to tell you to brush your teeth every day. You know that by now. But I am going to tell you to take care of your health, which means the health of your body, the health of your mind, and the health of your spirit. Much will depend on what you choose to put into your body, into your mind, and into your spirit. Remember, we–body, mind, and spirit–are what we eat. Or as somebody smart once said, “The brain becomes what the brain does.” So do the things that will bring you health, not the things that will bring you harm.
You’ve always been a brave girl, sometimes too brave. But starting college is scary, even for brave girls. Accept the fact that it is a big change and, as with any big change, it has plenty of scary things. It will be the same with your first breakup, your first job, and your first mortgage. Dad’s advice is to ride the wave, even though it is rough. If the first semester is tough, then the second will be less tough. The surfer knows each time she gets on the surfboard it becomes easier.
Connect with others. It’s the best way to feel like you belong. Talk to others. Join a club. Speak to cafeteria workers. Wherever you go, strive for some kind of connection, whether you’re in the classroom, or in the library, or at a football game. When you feel homesick, it’s the connections with others that you are missing. So, make new connections. It will make you feel alive, valued, loved, even if you are far from home.
Your brothers probably won’t tell you that they’re going to miss you, but I’ll say it for them. They love you and they are proud to have you as their sister. They may stand a head taller than you, but they have always looked up to you, their big sister who threw a softball with them, who cared for the sick puppy with them, and who let them choose the TV program, even if it was boring. Text them when you have a minute between classes. They will be happy to hear from you, even if they don’t want to admit it.
When I held you for the first time in my arms, I never wanted to let you go. Not even when your mother said you needed to go to sleep. I don’t want to let you go now. Everything in me says to wrap my arms around you and to hold you tight. But I know I have to let go. You are no longer the baby I held. You have become so much more. And if you are to become even more of that person you are meant to be, then I have to open my arms.
But I make this promise. Even as our lives now must change because you leave home for college, one thing will stay the same. I will always be your dad and you will always be my baby girl, the light of my life, the smile on my face, and the voice I hear in my sleep. When you walk into your first class on the college campus, Daddy won’t be walking beside you this time, but don’t doubt for a single moment that Daddy isn’t still with you. I’ll always be beside you.
I love you, baby girl.
Dad
(Jeremy Myers)
Sunday Brunch 